MS Bike Tour 2009

I'll be riding the Grand Bend to London tour as part of team TireFire. Care to sponsor me?

https://msofs.mssociety.ca/2009Bike/Sponsor.aspx?PID=1067522&L=2&GC=ORS

Consulting

I’ve started a very simple consulting advertisement site:

http://victor-rodriguez-consulting.blogspot.com/

5 Minute Management Course

THE 5 MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

LESSON 1:


A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel."

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

MORAL OF THE STORY:   If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.


LESSON 2:


A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

MORAL OF THE STORY:   If you are not well informed in your job, opportunities for advancement will pass right by you.


LESSON 3:


A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

MORAL OF THE STORY: Always let your boss have the first say.


LESSON 4:


An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure , why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

MORAL OF THE STORY:  To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


LESSON 5:


A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.


MORAL OF THE STORY: Bull shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


LESSON 6:


A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and shit on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

MORALS OF THE STORY:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!


THIS CONCLUDES THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Funny!

My wife sat down on  the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She  asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...

------------

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for  our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something  shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight  started...

------------

When I got home last night, my wife demanded  that I take her someplace
expensive... so, I took her to  a gas station.
And then the fight started...

------------

After retiring, I went to the Social Security  office to apply for
Social Security. The woman behind  the counter asked me for my driver's
license to verify  my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had
left  my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very  sorry, but I
would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I  opened my shirt revealing
my curly silver hair. She  said, 'That silver hair on your chest is
proof enough  for me' and she processed my Social Security  application.
When I got home, I excitedly told  my wife about my experience at the
Social Security  office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your  pants. You might have gotten
disability, too.'
And then the fight started...

------------

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high  school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady  swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,'  I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she  took to
drinking right after we split up those many  years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a  person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And  then the fight started...

------------

I took my wife to a restaurant.  The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare,  please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the  mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...

------------

A  woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her  husband, 'I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near  perfect.'
And then the fight started.....

------------

I  tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light  for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold  cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make  her look better at night than the cold
cream.
And then the fight started....

------------

My wife asked me if a certain dress made her  butt look big. I told her
not as much as the dress she  wore yesterday
and then the fight started.....

------------

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent  babies.
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a  loud noise came from outside.
The woman,  bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man
'Holy crap. That must be my husband!'
So the man  jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the
window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a  thorn bush and
to his car as fast as he could go.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to  the bedroom and screamed
at the woman, 'I AM your  husband!'
The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why  were you running?'
And then the fight  started.....

------------

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly  dressed, made my lunch,
grabbed the dog, and slipped  quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up  to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a
torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50  mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned
on the  radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all  day.
I went back into the house, quietly  undressed, and slipped back into
bed.
I cuddled  up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation,  and
whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you  believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?'
And then the fight started ...

------------

I asked my wife, "Where do you  want to go for our anniversary? "
It warmed my  heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....

------------

My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A  Millionaire while we were
in bed. I turned to her and  said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she  answered.
I then said, "Is that your final  answer?"
She didn't even look at me this time,  simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like  to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight  started....

Mini Bush

Hilarious! http://www.yesemails.com/goofypolitics/bushchat2/

Incredible Painting

http://www.yesemails.com/interestingemails/amazingpainter/

Good Coalition Analogy (If I say so myself)

I was talking politics at work today and came up with an explanation, an analogy, of why I feel the move by the Liberals, NDP and Bloc was undemocratic. They failed so it's old news, but regardless:

The Liberals, NDP and Bloc together have 163 of the 308 seats in the House of Commons. Thus, if they were to form a coalition, the resulting party would control a majority of the seats. The assumption is that the support for the new party, let's call it the LNB, would equal the sum of the support the three individual parties currently enjoy. This is a fallacy. Here's why:

Imagine for a moment that the Liberals split into 100 parties. Each of these new parties focuses entirely on pleasing a single demographic, be it by employment, sex, race, creed, social status, income, etc. So for example we would have the Police Party, a party which aims its election promises with only the police in mind. Higher salaries, fewer work hours, better benefits, less crime, etc. etc. The idea is that people generally vote for what is best for them as individuals, not what is best for the country. Now the police party would, we assume, gain a lot of support from the boys and girls in blue, but not from anyone else.

But then we also have the Fireman Party, the Teachers' Party, the Jewish Party, the Lower Middle Class Party, etc. etc. You get the picture. Each party aims to please its target group and nothing but.

Come election day, we expect none of these parties to win. In fact, it would be odd if any got more than 1% or 2% of the total vote. But we expect them to do well among their respective groups.

The next day, these parties all coalesce into the Liberal Party again. Surprise! Now they're HUGE! Ignore if you please ladies and gentlemen, the fact that Joe the policeman would never vote for the Fireman Party, and Linda the teacher would never vote for the Jewish Party (she's an atheist). Now their individual opinions don't matter as the party has disappeared into the mass that was previously (and is now once again) the Liberal Party.

Now, would you or would you not agree that the resulting party's support in the public is NOT equal to the sum of the individual mini parties that gathered the support of the various groups?

Well, this exaggerated example is exactly why a Liberal, NDP and Bloc coalition taking power without a vote is not democratic.

Liberal/NDP/Bloc Coalition

http://www.cbc.ca/canada/story/2008/12/02/question-period.html

In case you've been living under a rock, or don't live in Canada, our three opposition parties are planning to form a coalition and overthrow our minority government.

To those calling this move 'unconstitutional' or 'undemocratic', it isn't that simple. Our constitution allows for coalition governments to be formed, though they are rare and have so far always been minor. Secondly, the Liberals, NDP and Block together got more votes than the Tories, so technically there is no issue of democracy either. The argument becomes that a Liberal/NDP/Bloc coalition is NOT equal to Liberal + NDP + Bloc in votes. Many supporters of all three parties individually will not want to vote for those parties as a group given the chance.

Personally, I feel this is a big mistake on the part of the Liberals. I'll get to them in a moment. The NDP don't have much to lose. They did terribly in the last election and a poor economy gives them good grounds to work from with their particular audience. Joining this coalition gives them a chance to put their ideas forward and puts Layton in the public eye. Layton is strong competition for the cameras for any leader, but with Dion it's no contest. The Bloc don't have much to lose either, and much to gain. A separation referendum in Quebec right now would fail, but a separation referendum in very shaky Canadian economic times in a year or two has more chances. The Liberals may unwittingly help the Quebec separation movement to finally succeed.

The Liberals are the ones that have the most to lose. They are trading possible short term gains for long term pain. They will lose the support of many voters over this, not only for shaking up the government in bad times, but also for throwing in their lot with the communists and the separatists. Dion has already promised to resign as of the last election, so he appears, if that were possible, a weaker leader than he did before. A sore loser as well. Finally, they will lose support form voters who feel that despite wherever their personal loyalties lie, the Liberals are leading a coalition that may lead this country without being formally elected as a coalition party. That situation will not sit well with many Canadians, as it shouldn't in my opinion.

The Governor General is in a difficult position to say the least, and her actions in the next few days will be watched very carefully. Looking at the silver lining, this has at the very least served to educate some people about just how much power the GG has over our government.

I feel that this is the wrong time for this to happen, if there was ever a right time, and that bailouts are a bad idea as they only prolong the pain while weakening the dollar and making the eventual recovery more difficult. Though I didn't support Harper in the last election, I'd definitely support the Tories if it came to a vote between them and a Liberal/NDP/Bloc coalition.